05 Oct Emotions, Judgement, Compromise

When making decisions regarding Family Law issues, it is important to ensure that your emotions do not cloud your judgement.

When we are born, we are not given a handbook on how to deal with the emotional rollercoaster that is love.

We fall in love, but we never see the pitfalls. Why? Because we are happy, we feel secure, we are having a good time, and we let go…

However, sometimes events occur that turn a good time into emotional hell and, as a result, the relationship starts to fall apart. Perhaps that person has said, “I do not love you anymore” and, consequently, you feel a whole range of emotions: scared, hurt, upset.

So, you are now emotionally broken, and you are being asked to make life-changing decisions as part of a divorce financial settlement.

You must try to take the emotion out of any decision. Do not be stubborn because hate, anger and disappointment have enveloped you – they are not drugs, they are emotions. In essence, there is nothing wrong with having emotions, but the Court and the decision-making process therein is not the place to have them.

Once a decision has been made, and you make an agreement, then your life is changed.

Litigation is not cheap, so try to get legal advice early on.

Mediation is there to assist but, for some, that is not possible.

So, compromise if you can, and do not be forced (or rushed) into a decision.

While you are negotiating, you are in control. If the Court process takes over and you end up at a final hearing, then both parties are not going to be happy with the decision. When the lawyers have gone and the battle is over concerning your finances, you may find from spending this money that you now cannot afford to have a holiday, put a deposit on a house, buy a new car, spend money on the children and/or yourself etc.

At this point, you may find yourself thinking, “I could have made a better decision, if only I had not let my emotions take over.”

So, the message is… go into negotiations without emotions! Before negotiations begin, you need to find out if you are going to be staying where you are living. Your life may change, and it makes sense, therefore, to be advised so that you can make a better decision.

Entering into negotiations without advice can often feel like another attack on top of what is already happening, i.e. the reality of being told that you are no longer going to have the security of two wages and/or not waking up to see your children every day. Seeking advice early on really can help you to stay in control of your emotions – it will give you the ammunition you need to make a qualified decision.